I never did. I never will.

“I can’t believe that it’s already more than a decade.” James said. I nodded my head in agreement unaware about what he was really saying. I was deep in thoughts. Flashback of moving images started to screen in my mind like a movie. I can still remember her vividly; my first love.

It was my final year in secondary school. Having done well in my exams the previous year, I was assigned to a new class. Knowing that I would be in a new environment whereas the rest of the class probably knew each other. I came to school as nervous as a timid joey taking its first steps away from the comforting warmth of its mother’s side into the unknown world.

As I entered the classroom, unfamiliar stares were on me. I could literally hear the voices in their head; “Who is he?” “Who is this guy” “Did he go into the wrong room?” I scanned around the classroom and saw an empty seat. Without hesitation, I jumped into the seat taking cover from the bullets of stares before my nerves killed me.

“Hi! ” a sweet and angelic voice came from the side. Beheld, seated beside me was a girl that I never met before. She was beautiful and had a smile that was as bright as the sun. Relief came in like a warm after a flood .“Hi, I’m David” That was our first introduction.

In no time we became the closest of friends. We would talk about anything under the sun. Once, both of us were chatting happily in a math lesson, when a sudden burst of laughter from both of us disrupted the solemn atmosphere of the class. This set my usually cool headed maths teacher boiling hot that she threatened to send us to the principal office.

“David! With Beatrice again? Are you guys together?” James my best friend from the opposite class never fails to tease us. Of course, Beatrice and I knew we were the best of friends, nothing more, or so that was what I thought.

One time, Beatrice did not come to school for the entire week. She was down with chickenpox and every second in school felt like a drag. It was then that I realized that I had actually fell in love with her.

For weeks I hesitated whether to tell her my feelings and decided that it was best to leave it till the exams are over. We worked hard together and the exams passed in a blink of an eye. Straight after my last paper, I came out with an action plan immediately. It took me an entire week.

After practicing on the mirror umpteen times, I mustered my courage and asked her out for a date in the best restaurant downtown that I could barely afford with my savings. She agreed, adding that she had something to tell me too. I did not give much thought to it.

That day eventually arrived. It was awkward. After all, this was my first date. Nobody ever taught me what to do. Everything that I knew were learned from the television. Like the gentlemen in the television drama, I mimicked his action, opened the door , pulled out the chair and asked for the menu.

We had lunch and it was an indescribable bliss, the most romantic moment of my entire existence. The right moment came! Everything was set for me to confess my love for her. I plucked out all the courage that I could gather and mumbled. “ Bea…bea..trice, I want to tell you something.”

“Sure! Why are you stumbling? Oh yes, I have something to tell you too” She replied back casually obviously oblivious to how I felt.

“Why don’t you say it first” I said.

“My family decided to migrate to US. I know it’s so sudden but my dad got a job over there and we need to shift by the end of this year. I will really miss you.” She said.

My jaw dropped and my mind went blank. I did not know whether I should continue to confess my love for her. It’s meaningless. She’s leaving anyway.

“What was it that you want to tell me?” She said.

I did not hear what she said.

“Hello! Anybody there?” She waved at me.

“Oh! Nothing much actually. I’m so going to miss you too.” I said disappointingly.

The night before she left for America, we chatted on the phone the whole night. Knowing that we would not be meeting each other for a long period of time, we wanted to treasure every single moment we had. We talked about the good old school days, our plans for the future and promise that we would keep in touch. Throughout the night I hesitated a couple of times whether I should take my last chance to tell her, I love you. I never did.

A decade has passed and every once in a while I will think about the past and wonder what would happen if I were to tell her my feelings. I never will.


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