I have always admire people with strong inner strength or what people will describe it as will power. I believe that all champion has them. The better athletic will have them. Somehow I felt that people will do competitive sports at some point of their life have them. i’m not sure as I never did competitive sport in my life before. If there is any regrets in my life it will to be not playing competitive sport. I have been thinking about this for a period of time what really made a person better in learning than another. I tried to observe classmate that I deem are smarter and better learner than myself and try to come out with an explanation at how they managed to pick up things so fast and what set them apart from myself. Is it the intellectual capacity, or the fore knowledge or just plain hard work. I don’t have an answer. And I realized that the more I grew up the more I am unsure of who I am. I think that is why it is always important to test yourself out. Try hard things, ask questions, do the hardest part, test your values.
For most part of my growing up years, I always want to be a leader, even though I am not. I always want to be the person that stand up, even though I am an introvert personality, there is a deep desire to lead. When you desire something opporutnity will usually follows and sure enough I am entrusted with “leadership duties” and I realized that I do not like the job. If given a choice I will rather stand back and be lead. But having said that, I found out that what I want all along is not to be a leader but to be lead by someone that I respect and look up as a leader and I found out that, that is missing in my life. Maybe subconsciously I began to think that maybe I can be the one, maybe I can be the one that people can look up to can bring them forward. Like any ideas, they are all perfect in our minds and pretty much flaws in execution. That is why nowadays, I tend not to be enthusiastic about being the one forward and hope that someone better will stand up in front of me. People that stand up to lead I will give them more grace as I know their difficulty too.