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Dating & Relationships


I was looking at my photo albums a couple of weeks back and I realized that people that I used to share my life with couple of years back were living very different life now. Almost half of them are happily married and many of them have kids. I thought to myself how a few years down the road can make such a big difference in life.

We call it the stage of life. It’s like the leap you took when you are in kindergarten  to start of your primary school education or for Singaporean guys a leap from a high school  student to a solider.  It seems like life has become automated that you know what to do when out of one stage.

I started to question these automation. Who defined all these stages? Why do we have to follow these road that is being pave out my a certain individual or policy? Have we grow so custom to people or society expectation that we forget and don’t question about choices outside the system.

Early this year, I attended a friend’s wedding. It was all beautiful and It seems like a fairy tale ending. i started visioning myself in their shoes and got nervous. I can’t do that. Not now. I always wonder how will it be like to step into the next stage of this marriage life. I got a feeling that it’s like the first day in primary school or the first day when you get enlisted in the army. It seems scary but after a while you will get use to it. this may be a sound argument but I don’t seems to buy into it.(As much as I want to)

My mum got married when she was 24 because of that she always think that she missed out alot in life. Maybe her life could have been better if she married late. She could have a better career and see the world. Every now and then she will always tell me not to get married early. “See the world, expose yourself.” Maybe because of that, subconsciously I will always tell myself don’t get tie down, traveled and see the world first.  No I don’t have a commitment issues. On contrary, I believe in commitment. Commitment to me is forever.  It is a promise that I will carry out till the end of my life.

I know I sounded like an idealist. But no I will not bow down to social norm.

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Happy 2010! A start of a new year. A start of a new decade. The last ten years was pretty interesting. Last year was interesting too. I mention in my last post that I had a chat with the ex. One of the thing that she mention to me was that I’m not being myself. I was trying to be somebody that i wasn’t that she prefer the me when I was in Secondary.( Yes I know, we were together that long.) Native and innocent. (I don’t want to continue to be neither native nor innocent.But I’m still a person who is pure at heart. At least that is what I hope.)

I reflected upon the statement and think that it is true to a certain extend.It could be due to insecurity, maybe I was afraid to lose her and thought that I am not good enough. Or it could be me trying to find an identity. Question like who am I? What am I dentine to do?

Anyway, the break was good in particular to this issue as I need to break always from holding to the bondage of people perception of who I am.

I don’t want to get into the business of caring about what people think of me. And if I need to change for the better, I will.

Anyway, people, please comment! Who you are so that I have a better idea who are my readers. You are very privilege to be able to read my life most inner thought. This blog is not publish anywhere else. Maybe only at a few friends’ blogs that once a upon time, I gave the URL to them. And again, Happy New Year!


I had a heart to heart talk with my ex girlfriend. It’s the first time that we talk after 10 months we broke. It’s kinda refreshing when you realize the amount of things you can take in without the presence of emotion. There’s no way, we will be back together again. She is happily attach. I don’t long for her anymore.

I initiate the chat as there as I really curious what she all along in her mind during the years we were together.  As much as we tried to, we were never 100% trustful about our feelings or thoughts. We were young and naturally made wrong decision at times or crippled by emotions that build a wall in our relationship. I’m glad that we are able to talk again, not because of the thought of getting together but the opportunity that I can get to learn from my past mistake. And hopefully do better in my next relationship.


What New Year actually means? When I was in primary or secondary school, a new year signify the start of a new school year. New class, new classmates, new teachers and new books. I would get nervous the day before a school start. Thinking how’s my classmates and teachers going to be like? Who’s going to sit around me? And excitement usually follow after that.

That was this particular year that I was especially nervous. It was during my first day in secondary 3. As the first batch of my secondary school, we were privilege to be the first wearing long pants. I was pretty self conscience of how I looked the first time in long pants. I was afraid that I might look stupid. So I met up with a few friends before entering the school, just to ensure that I looked alright. To make things even more fun, I got paranoid about whether I’m at the right stream anot. I was in science stream which is suppose to be the better one as compared to the arts. (It’s just a general perceptional that most have even though it’s not true at all!) With my grades I would never be able to make it there if not for the fact that I just passed all my arts subjects and scored well only in my maths and science.

Thinking in my mind, on the way to school.
“What if I heard wrongly that I am in a different stream on the last day of secondary 2? I have already brought my textbook. Sharks! My mum is going to kill me if she find out that I get mix up with my posting. What about the hand phone she got for me as a reward to get into science stream? I’m going to lose it. NOooooo….. “.

My fears went away the moment my new form teacher read up my name from her list. Immediately I felt a sense of relieved.

All this is in the past. Whenever I think back it’s actually fun to start a new year like this. Now as working adult, things become more predictable, or little things like the excitement from the thought of knowing or meeting new friends or classmates doesn’t excite me anymore.

I was the innocent boy that seems to be willingly to befriend any one that passes through my life, has gone. Why is it so? Why have I become so selective to who become my friend? Is it because of being hurt or disappointed too many times by people, I called friends? Or has the society taught me to be wise up and not be native in trusting people so easily? I don’t know. But what I know is the longing I have to feel the excitement of knowing new people that once as a innocent boy I used to had, back in my heart.


Colbie Caillat – Fallin For You

I dont know but
I think I maybe
Fallin for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
Im scared of what youll say
So Im hiding what Im feeling
But Im tired of
Holding this inside my head

Ive been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I dont know what to do
I think Im fallin for you
Ive been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I dont know what to do
I think Im fallin for you
Im fallin for you

As Im standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
Its just you and me

Im trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
Im scared of what youll say
So Im hiding what Im feeling
But Im tired of
Holding this inside my head

Ive been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I dont know what to do
I think Im fallin for you
Ive been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I dont know what to do
I think Im fallin for you
Im fallin for you

Oh I just cant take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out

Ive been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I dont know what to do
I think Im fallin for you
Ive been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I dont know what to do
I think Im fallin for you
Im fallin for you

I cant stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just cant hide it
I think Im fallin for you

Im fallin for you

Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh Im fallin for you


I got a job. The job I mentioned 2 post back. My office is located at Mount Sofia where Timbre was.I didn’t heard about timbre before.When I mention to people that I’m working at Mount Sofia. The immediate reaction was, “oh where timbre is ?”.  Yeah. My building is just beside Timbre.I guess I’m really not the cubing/pubbing type.

The first day at work felt like enlisting day.I was so nervous. The first day was pretty much like an introduction to the company. It’s a small studio. When I was in school, I  imaged myself working in a similar studio like this.My dream came true! Haha.

Is it true that once you broke up, you can’t be friend anymore. This seems to be the case for her.She deleted me from facebook. My guess was that she didn’t want me to view her profile. She didn’t want me to know any of her update in life. I guess it’s a good thing for me as I’m pretty distracted at times.I will still continue to view her profile unintentionally. I still can’t get over her.Even thought the feeling wasn’t as bad as the other time we broke up. she always special and can’t be replace for a very long time in my life.

I was talking to this girl and she commented that I look like I’m 18. That was a surprise revelation for me. This is the first time, people said that i’m younger than my actual age. Normally I looked my age. I was horrified. I had a meeting at MDA on Last Friday with  all the big shot from various company. I don’t want to potray that I was young and inexperience. I guess they are shock to see, what’s a young dude doing over there. Haha